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11/24/2009 呼尔将出换美酒,与君同消万古愁从巴黎回来以后一个月,方得空整理出照片,寄出明信片,把旅途中买的小手工品清理摆放。现在天气愈冷,早晚都是黑沉天色,下班回家时乘着路灯光影,伴着万家灯火,一路上雨水淋沥,马路竟不曾干过,落下的水洼映衬路人匆匆身影,倒是清冷中有一番让人间烟火的暖意。 上班是则是及其痛苦,帽子围巾手套,靴子加上呢子大衣,开门扎进湿润的雾气,那一刹那每每都有想辞职的冲动,清晨6点的天是蓝紫色,一身武装的我仿似要踏雪摘星,幽冷到了极点。十月份新买的大衣已经觉得不够抵寒,红色呢绒加格子纹衬里,被Chan赞说有英伦风。 本是为着到法国旅行买的,但是十月的巴黎却分外暖和,天气十分好,好到似乎要决心和湿泠泠的英国划清界限。从伦敦圣潘克勒斯国际火车站到巴黎北站只需两个钟头余,从来旅行都没有想过去巴黎,也是觉得太近了 ,随时可成行,所以每每有假期都选择去更远的地方。到下车后看到满眼法文,只能连猜带蒙,方觉出人在异乡为异客。Kevin虽然在学校修过法语,不过已经是陈年旧事,加上正在用功与中文,导致语言系统混乱,所以基本不能信赖。闹出一些笑话,比如在咖啡馆儿买美式黑咖啡,却给端来了意式浓缩咖啡,一小杯苦的象药,路过市政厅时,还误以为这宽宏典雅的建筑是复古型的高级酒店 (市政厅的法文是 hotel ),在餐厅点清水佐餐,结果上来一大瓶昂贵的法国某山谷的气泡矿泉水,等等误解尴尬,直到见了Chan 和 Bear以后才解释清楚,化为一笑。上一次见到Chan是两三年前的事情了,我在伦敦塔桥附近与人合租一套公寓,大家都还在念硕士,都是穷学生,时间却是多的。她来我家住了数日,我们每天一起出去逛伦敦,沿着泰晤士河的酒馆儿喝酒,在海德公园吃点心,早起出门前梳妆打扮晚上睡觉前聊天谈心,讲的不过是感情困扰,留学生活感触,怀想高中生活。有意思的是,昔日她口中念兹在兹的男主角,现在已经与之并结连理,又岂是当时能想到的呢。 彼时我在伦敦刚一年,熟悉的也是繁华表象,略比游客熟络些,等后来呆的久了,渐渐知道这个城市的脉络,有意思的都是背着大街和景区的酒香巷深之处,每每发现好吃好玩儿的就后悔,没能带得她去 。最后一次晚餐在科芬园的一家剧院式餐厅,享用了大份的红烧兔腿,忘了是否喝了酒,但是最后喝的爱尔兰咖啡的香气仍然飘在记忆里,最后Herb也赶过来,三人匆匆聚首又道别,数年同窗的缘分就这么轻飘的打了一个圈儿又远走了。 后来Chan在法国尝遍精致法餐,想必这一顿兔肉比起来可是小菜一碟了。在后来她拿到博士录取,继续进修,与夫君携手游历欧洲大小城镇,品酒饮茶烘培摄影,生活的自在精致.而在英国的数同学,毕业离开或者找工作的,都忙着各自的生活,只在网络上字里行间留意彼此消息。 决定生日旅行去巴黎以后,突然想起来和Chan在伦敦的日子,突然特别感叹起来,斯时两人都是出国不久,却又小有经历,没有稳定的恋爱关系,有憧憬却迷茫,在国内形成的人生观和态度在欧洲的生活下慢慢调整修正。当时看来人生仿佛苦恼重重未来不明的阶段,现在回想却是肆意和随性的,那几日轻松洒脱的休假,是难得的放空。 签下法国签证后,Chan和Bear也即时订了车票和旅馆到巴黎来相聚。之前没想到他们的城市离巴黎那么远,车程比我们从伦敦过去还要长。见面以后到巴黎百年的蛋糕店吃点心,浓滑不腻的热巧克力,香软嫩滑的栗子蛋糕,装潢古典淡雅的蛋糕店时时满座,热闹而不喧嚣,雅致又不失温馨。吃罢法式甜点就开始晚餐,我和kevin都爱吃辣,加上Bear 是湖南人,当然重头戏是湘菜。在巴黎街头吃了几日长棍面包的我们,没意料在市中心繁华处有如此正宗的湖南菜,大快朵颐不足形容。虽然我从小在长沙长大,但是手撕包菜还是第一次吃,一向只爱川菜的kevin也开始想着回英国后要打探打探本地的湘菜馆。 席间喝数瓶啤酒,慢慢谈笑热闹起来,虽然彼此都不是自来熟的能说会道型,但是酒香菜好人逢知己,就有一份同在异乡的默契和珍惜。也是巧合,晚饭后在塞纳河边走着,正好得巧入偶然夜间开放的巴黎圣母院,河边桥上有少年在踩滑板,左岸的咖啡店和酒馆人声鼎沸,灯光闪烁下又好像回到伦敦周末的夜生活。在这繁嚣声色里道了再见,简短而清淡。并不知道在过两年又或是三年后有机缘再见时,又是如何的情景。 Kevin和我说,你的同学真的是性情中人,迢迢路远跑来吃着一餐饭,饮这一杯酒,为这数小时的相见和清谈,且不说花费,就是辛苦也是辛苦的。我想了半天不知道如何回答。其实在高中时候,和chan 并不是熟稔到极点的密友,只是三年同窗,加上同在异国求学,眼里心底对彼此的生活态度和经历都有一番契合。又或许,我们这一代人,多数为独生子女,并没有众多兄弟姐妹,同学几年的学习和生活,虽然表象上只是客观的共存,但是暗里结成彼此生命的应照,对彼此的情谊,是对自己少年时候的怀念,是意气横生,是酒逢知己,是对手足之情缺失的弥补,是对生命痕迹的留恋与珍惜。见面时没有热烈拥抱,道别时没有红了眼眶,聊天不是神吹胡侃,也不必相互吹捧,感情太轻也太重,只能简之淡然之。似竹林七贤的旷古达意,随心随性,兴致一到万里访友,为的是那一番知己情谊,而达到时又不必诸多礼遇亲亵,即使只在友人门外略站,心意到既可返。 在伦敦四年,相会过几许朋友,有过给新来的朋友接机,也有给回国的朋友送行,总是希望是欢快轻松的,青春太短,不及感伤,离别太沉,只能挥一挥衣袖。 好朋友旧相识,总能提起一些前尘往事,总能撩起一些情愫感触。 何以为慰,飨美食,尽美酒,与君同消万古愁。 11/21/2009 心是孤独的捕手The Heart Is A Lonely Hunter First published in 1940, The Heart is a Lonely Hunter was writer Carson McCullers’ debut novel. Published when she was just 23, the book immediately announced a new literary talent with a surprisingly keen eye for the human condition. Set in an anonymous town in the American South, the book explores the lives of a disparate series of characters who are all linked by their individual friendship with John Singer, a mysterious deaf man whose past is a mystery to them. The book deals heavily with themes of isolation but yet is very much a product and part of its time. The rise of fascism and the underground radicalism of the revolutionary left and black liberation movements are both referenced. The book is also heavily shrouded in the apartheid oppression of Southern society at that time, which casts a pall over the actions of all the characters. As important as this context is, though, the real joy of this book comes from the fabulously realised characters. The book focuses on each character in turn, their experiences, their inner thoughts and their relationship with John Singer. All of the characters are genuinely involving and interesting, a rare feat I think for a novel to achieve. Binding all of the characters together is John Singer. In the book, John Singer becomes the person each character can speak to plainly about their fears and thoughts and hopes. His ability to ‘listen’ without criticism is ironic, given his deafness. His refusal to speak allows each of them to imagine their own idealised version of who they want him to be. The great irony of the book is that, far from being the messianic figure they see in him, John is in his own way as troubled and yearning for comfort as the rest of them. He fails to understand their attitudes and problems despite spending significant amounts of time with them. In his turn, John is heavily reliant spiritually on his old friend who has been placed in a mental health institution. We see that John treats his friend, who in his turn disdains John’s kind presents and thoughts, with the same reverence that the other characters show to him. In this way, McCullers seems to be saying that we all are searching for something and someone special, but we rarely find mutual happiness in one another. If I have one small criticism of the book, it is that she presents no counter-examples to represent that many people do make genuine and mutual connections with other people and find a shared happiness, if only for a time. Despite the heavy subject matter the plot moves on with several important twists and events, a contrast with lesser books that disdain plot movement in favour of more abstract composition. It is no surprise that the book was well received when it was
published, but what is important is that the book continues to resonate
with the problems and hardships of our time. Throughout, McCullers is
able to tie the spiritual with the heart-breakingly practical, the
thoughts and dreams of the characters with the hard-world of dimes and
cents that they need to sustain themselves. In doing so, the book is a
wonderful exploration of what it means to be human and what it means to
try and love in a world where so much time is spent in unimportant
things. 9/16/2009 Uprising踏上英国的土地第四年零一日 开始新工作整三个月 买到刚出的Muse新专辑 拿到法国签证 在西班牙餐厅吃海鲜饭和Tapa庆祝,昏黄的灯光下对举一杯红葡萄酒 隔壁桌的一群老头喝着啤酒高声谈笑,给浪漫昏暖的气氛加了一记搞笑的滑音 伦敦下了转凉后第一场大雨,有了冬天的意味。 坐在小公寓里看窗外街景,在雨水中润湿了,路灯光影模糊,一切都在缓慢旋转,时间以定式走过过去和现在,留下不轻不重的情绪。 庭空月无影,梦暖雪生香。 小傻饼干的早晨每天早上在火车站等车的时候,都会到车站边的小咖啡店买杯黑咖啡提神。 曾经试过出门之前喝许多咖啡,或者是冲上速溶咖啡带在杯子里,在地铁上喝。可是仿佛都不对味,清晨的味蕾还没打开,一腔苦涩,浑身酸痛,为早起的痛苦而不甘,所以还是决定奢侈的买外带咖啡。 清晨七点时分,站台上人来人往,满地的免费的地铁早报随着车擦过的风而散开,夹杂在人流匆忙的脚步中,忙乱中带来一点悠闲的意味。斯时阳光清亮,手捧着一杯热咖啡,看着等待的列车缓缓驶进站台,是早晨最惬意的一刻画面。 比我每天要搭乘的早一班的火车开往机场,经常能看到扛着行囊的单身背包客,旅游鞋吊在包的背带上,脸上是期待和疲惫,或者提妻携子的全家游,孩子们在早上朦胧不清醒,撑起无辜的双眼挂在父亲肩上。 看着他们,饮一口还烫嘴的咖啡,心里想象自己也是这般在路上,不是去朝九晚五的上班,而是要踏上未知的旅程,在早上初带暖意的阳光下,一切都仿佛有可能,沿着这铁轨便能到路尽头。 回国时带的两本村上的随笔是最好的火车读物,小巧轻薄,写的内容都是简单的事物,可是带着他特有的幽默,一篇篇读起来十分松快,一章之间抬头看乘客上下,缤纷脸色忙碌步履,咖啡香里心情逐渐敞开。在火车上完成从居家到工作的转变过程,从在家里懒散随性到职业化的工作态度和笑容,随着咖啡因在血液中循环,头脑也清晰起来,好象脱茧一般,摈除闲散的杂念。 我对K说,虽然每天上班交通十分辛苦,可是我却非常享受早晨在火车上喝咖啡的这三十分钟。我和他经常感叹时间的短暂,生活的不自主,有那么多书要看,那么多有趣的事情要做,那么多地方没有去过,那么多的生活细节去体味,可是每天却要牺牲固定的8小时面对工作,与同事相处的光阴多过与爱人。 晚上下班后做饭晚餐,一杯红酒聊聊彼此的一天,讨论下居家需要的处理的琐事,或者独自听一会儿音乐读一段小说,便是睡觉时间。如果要再象以前一样熬夜上网看书写东西,第二天便浑身疼痛头脑发昏,决心以后还是早睡早起。光是如此写着就觉得郁闷,仿佛是一场无尽头的循环,一直走到老,十几岁时非常看不惯中年人漠然的脸庞和焦躁的眼神,如今晓得,大半都是这样磨练过来的吧,流沙般不停过的时间把希冀磨平。 而我不甘愿沉寂的心情,却时时搅动着神经。K和我决定,不论如何,要保持热情。 保持热情,怀有真挚的心,享受爱情,平淡生活,随时参与。 车站的咖啡店不是英国满街开的“costa”或者“AMT"咖啡吧,而是一个由家庭咖啡馆发展成的一个独立咖啡小店品牌,Piccino。 卖咖啡的波兰女孩说着不流畅的英语笑脸迎人,一点儿也没有早起工作的气闷和坏脸色,时间久了就知道我的习惯,每天不用说就压一大杯美式咖啡给我。另外还会得到附赠的小饼干,名字就叫做‘stupid little biscuit'- 小傻饼干。 小小笨笨的,最普通的形状最简单的味道,配着咖啡正好。买的多了,渐渐发现,原来每天的外带咖啡杯也不一样,从颜色和纸的质地还有包装,都有新奇的地方。有的时候是简单温馨的一句话,或者无里头的玩笑,有的时候是几笔笨拙的涂鸦,和饼干一样是傻到让人发出会心微笑的细节。 我很想问问那波兰女孩每天早起工作是否辛苦,设计咖啡杯的是否是个有童真的插画家,为什么这里烤出来的新月面包特别香脆。可是我什么也没有问,日日拙拙的平凡里,共有一点心照不宣的默契,那就是把握生活的细节,仿佛要憋着气,把点滴过的精彩。 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
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